Understanding the Angry Child 

Children’s brains and nervous systems are still developing. They lack the words or self-control to manage strong and complex feelings, so even minor frustrations—like missing a toy, being told “no,” or sibling teasing—can trigger overwhelming anger that feels like a tidal wave sweeping over them. This intense emotion can feel particularly overwhelming in a small body. 

Since they're still navigating their emotions at a tender age, it would be helpful to explain strong emotions in a way they can understand. For instance, you could describe these emotions as visitors who come, stay for a bit, and then leave, much like a passing storm or cloud. Using metaphors helps children visualise and grasp that these emotions are temporary, which can reduce their fear of strong feelings. 

Crucially, we also need to see anger as a signal, not a sign of bad behaviour. The flare is telling us our child is struggling to cope with something too big for them to manage alone. When we view anger in this light, our role as parents changes from seeing their anger outbursts as bad behaviour and instead to a more compassionate perspective in helping children to learn to handle strong emotions safely. 

It’s okay for children to feel angry. In fact, we should remove shame from strong emotions. By validating their feelings, we build trust and show that their feelings are recognised and accepted, and that anger is something that can be managed, not feared. 

Simple Mindful Tools to Help an Angry Child 

Here are some fun, easy, and creative ways to help your child cope when big feelings bubble up. Sometimes, the best tools are also the simplest. Things like a jar of glitter, a short story, or just a big, mindful breath together. These practices don’t just calm children; they can also strengthen your connection and turn challenging moments into gentle learning opportunities. 

 1. The Glitter Jar 

Fill a clear jar with water, glitter, and a little food colouring. When your child shakes it, the glitter swirls chaotically, just like their emotions. As the glitter slowly settles, so does the storm of feelings. This is similar to mindfulness meditation. By pausing and watching, children learn that their feelings will calm down naturally, rather than acting on impulse. 

2. Storytelling as Emotional Release 

Children love stories. Instead of lecturing, try weaving feelings into tales. You can encourage your child to share stories about their anger, prompting them to describe how they feel and what they can do to calm down. Use puppets, toys, and drawings to make the experience engaging and fun. Alternatively, you can read books about anger together to help them understand it without shame, turning it into a learning opportunity. You can even co-create stories with your children, making the process collaborative and enjoyable! 

3. Mindful Breathing Practices 

Simple breathing exercises work even for toddlers. Place their favourite soft toy on their belly as they lie down. As they breathe in and out, the toy rises and falls. Focusing on the breath helps children calm their bodies, notice sensations, and slow down racing thoughts. It shows them that while anger may arise, it doesn’t have to control their actions. It also creates a playful game you can enjoy together! 

4. Movement and Release 

Anger is energy. Sometimes kids need to move to release it. Stomping, jumping, or shaking arms can help release tension. Once they’ve released that energy, they can calm down and feel more relaxed. This move to stillness reinforces the lesson: feelings rise, shift, and settle naturally. By doing so, children learn to channel their anger safely, allowing it to dissipate and making room for clarity and calm. 

From Big Feelings to Bigger Hearts 

By introducing children to these mindful practices, we’re doing more than just helping them “behave better.” We're teaching them life skills such as how to pause, observe, and respond rather than reacting impulsively. 

Of course, there’ll be moments when parents, too, can lose their calm and be swept up into the storm of a tantrum. But remember, we aren't perfect, and our children don't expect us to be. What they truly need is a calm presence to anchor them, because children mirror the energy around them. In those challenging moments, take a pause, place a hand on your heart, and use positive self-talk: "I can handle this calmly." 

Trying these practices together shows children that learning emotional regulation is a family journey, not a solo task. In this way, parenting itself becomes a form of practice. Every tantrum becomes a moment to teach patience. Every jar, story, or breath becomes an invitation to compassion. It’s through these moments that something beautiful happens: the family grows not just in skill but in heart.

In Closing 

Parenting through anger is never easy, but it can be creative, mindful, and even bonding when we have the right tools. These simple practices help children (and us) remember that big feelings are a part of being human. They don't have to overwhelm us. 

And parents, it’s also important to find support for yourself rather than going through these challenges alone. Finding a community—whether among friends, family, or in a spiritual Sangha like ours at our Jalan Besar temple—gives you the strength of shared wisdom.  

For more resources on mindful parenting and Buddhist approaches to family life, follow us on Telegram for updates, or explore our YouTube channel for Dharma teachings by Singha Rinpoche that bring these principles to life in everyday practice.