Feeling Lost in Your 20s?
Maybe you’ve just graduated, got your first “real” job, and ticked off every milestone your parents and teachers said would define success.
Or perhaps you’re a young professional who, despite external achievements, feels unmotivated and empty. Somewhere along your day, you pause and realise nothing seems to fit your life. You find yourself overthinking every decision, confused and lost, asking: “Is this what I’m meant to be doing? Why do I feel empty? Am I a failure?”
This period of inner turbulence and confusion is what we call the quarter-life crisis. It can strike at any time from your early 20s to mid-30s, often at the cusp of a significant new chapter where you are forced to answer those unsettling questions. For instance, this might be shortly after graduation, starting a new job, moving out on your own, or the end of a long-term relationship.
This quarter-life crisis? It’s common, and most people experience it in their lives, sometimes not just once, but many times over. Feeling lost doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re alive, noticing that something in your life needs alignment. It’s a critical crossroad where you can change something or everything. Understanding why it happens and what you can do about it can turn a period of uncertainty into a valuable chance for growth.
What Causes a Quarter-Life Crisis?
The pressures on young adults today, particularly in Singapore, are intense. Gen Zs are juggling high educational expectations, a competitive job market, and rising living costs. Adding to this are social and relationship pressures, along with a constant stream of social media comparisons.
Social pressure is especially sharp; as your peers reach traditional milestones like marriage, property ownership, or senior job titles, you may feel the strong urge to “catch up” or justify your different path.
Then there is choice overload. In a world that promises they can be anything, today's young adults often freeze, paralysed by possibility. The paradox is having too many potential paths. Career options, side projects, or overseas work; each decision carries the weight of “success” or “failure,” making the fear of choosing the wrong thing feel enormous.
Other contributing factors that create this feeling of being stuck include:
Transition shock: Moving from structured schooling to unstructured adult life can feel daunting.
Career mismatch: Finding yourself in roles that don’t spark joy or align with your true passions.
Identity confusion: Who are you beyond grades or job titles, or what your parents expect of you?
Psychological and emotional development: The part of the brain that controls higher-level functions, such as planning and emotional regulation (the frontal lobe), is one of the last to fully develop, a process that often continues into your mid-20s.
These factors create a challenging mix of self-doubt, anxiety, and restlessness, leaving you feeling disoriented and lost.
Why This Stage Can Be the Best Thing That Happened
It might not feel like it now, but this discomfort can actually point you toward growth and an authentically defined life. Feeling lost is a powerful signal, nudging you to explore interests you previously ignored, reconsider unquestioned paths, or reimagine success on your own terms. This is a necessary period of transformation.
While the stress can take a toll on mental health (leading to anxiety or low motivation), these feelings are not signs of weakness. They are indicators signalling it’s time to pause and reflect, and ask: “What do I truly want my life to look like?”
What You Can Do to Move Forward
While you can’t outrun this stage, you can move through it with intention. The first step is accepting that this change is happening and acknowledging it as necessary growth. Here are some practical steps:
Pause and reflect: Take time to understand what’s causing your discomfort. Is it your job, external pressure, or a mismatch with your own values? Journaling, quiet reflection, or going on a short personal retreat can help.
Talk it out: Share with a trusted person who can offer perspectives that help clarify what you truly want. For instance, if you feel stagnant in your role, speaking to your boss about new challenges might lead to rescoping your current work or a transfer —a much less risky change than quitting entirely.
Try small experiments: Explore side projects, volunteer, or pick up new skills (check free courses via the National Library e-resources portal). Small actions reveal what resonates.
Identify strengths and weaknesses: Self-assessments or career coaching can help pinpoint environments where you thrive. Understanding yourself is a key to regaining control.
Prioritise mental well-being: Simple rituals, such as meditation or a daily morning walk, can reset the mood during uncertain times.
Seek community support: Engage with supportive organisations and community spaces such as our Tibetan temple to feel grounded and find a sense of belonging.
This isn't a phase you can "fix" overnight. It's a stage for you to understand, navigate, and learn from. Be patient with the process; taking small, intentional steps will build both clarity and momentum.
Redefining Success
At the core of your anxiety is probably the fear of failure and the profound disappointment you feel—both your own and that of people who matter to you.
But the truth is, the bigger risk is playing it safe. It's riskier to stay on the wrong, stagnant path, hoping life will magically work out, than to try, fail, and learn.
A crisis prompts you to define success on your own terms: What makes me feel fulfilled? Which environments energise me? What do I NOT want?
The goal isn't perfection but alignment, and there's no better time to act than now, before financial and social obligations increase with age.
The Silver Lining
This lost feeling? You will grow out of it. The discomfort you feel is your system recalibrating, signalling for you to pause, reassess, and shift your direction. It is a temporary stage offering you a chance to do some deep soul-searching about who you are and what you want.
Instead of fearing action, as George Bernard Shaw said: “A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” See this not as a crisis but as an opportunity for you to become more resilient and your authentic self.
Remember, nothing will change unless you act. Take the first small step today, whether that is journaling, talking to a mentor or counsellor, or going on a short retreat.
Embrace this moment to define yourself on your own terms. It’s these small beginnings that build the clarity to make bigger, conscious decisions later; decisions like leaving that job you hate, saying goodbye to a relationship that is holding you back, or finally pursuing the interest you’ve ignored. The next chapter of your life begins now. You only have to take the first step.
For those interested: Our Jalan Besar temple offers Buddhist classes, retreats, and talks that help young adults reflect, reconnect, and cultivate a sense of direction. You can also follow Singha Rinpoche’s teachings on YouTube for gentle guidance on navigating life with clarity and calm.